Why?
by MetaMuse
Summary: Songfic of Why! by Michael Cretu and Enigma. The thoughts and feelings of Severus Snape about Hermione Granger. COMPLETE


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything related to it - it all belongs to J.K. Rowling. The song used in this fic is produced and engineered by Michael Cretu. Enigma3 is the CD the song is found on.   
  
I owe thanks to Corazon for helping me develop the idea for this story couple months back!   
  
I owe many thanks to snapesbbwlover for beta reading this story!   
  
Also this is more of song fanfic so if you do not like those types of things I suggest not reading it.   
  
**Why?**   
  
"I love you Severus," Hermione Granger whispered softly to Severus Snape's back.   
  
Severus spun around to face his former student and current potions partner. They were making a potion to lessen the effects of all the Unforgivable Curses. But he hid his true feelings and sneered, "And you think I care what you feel?"   
  
Hermione's heart broke at that moment. She knew he felt the same but also knew he would not accept her immediately. She tried to prepare herself for such a reaction but it still hurt. She hoped the future would change his actions.   
  
Many things were about to change.   
  
_I was childish and unfair  
To you, my only friend  
I regret, but it's too late_   
  
Severus sat in his study with Firewhiskey in his glass. He slowly sipped the strong alcohol. He replayed the memory in his head.   
  
The night Hermione admitted her love for him. He regretted what he had said immediately as she walked out of the room, he should have stopped her. It was the last time he saw her. But his fear of trusting other people stood in his way.   
  
Albus had asked Severus to partner with Hermione in the efforts of creating a potion that would reduce the pain of Cruciatus curse, take the killing effect out of the Avada Kedrava curse, and weaken the Imperius curse allowing the victim more of a chance to fight the curse completely.   
  
It had taken months of research and experimenting. The two had spent hours many together both day and night. Sometimes they ended up sleeping in the lab on a couch they conjured up. On the first several nights it happened they slept sitting up. Over time, when they slept in the lab, they ended up curled up against each other for the warmth.   
  
The conversations grew between them slowly, at first it was only need to know information about the research and experimenting. As time passed and it had broadened in subjects. Severus was still cautious but he realized he was falling in love with Hermione, so he forced himself to be more open. The result was Hermione falling in love with him - but he had not known that until that night.   
  
With more open friendship, they began to teach the other things either in charms, potions or the joy of muggle literature. They argued constantly still but it was to be expected with both of their temperaments.   
  
Hermione knew what Severus was feeling, she could tell. After knowing him as a fellow Order member and former instructor she learned to read him well.   
  
Until the night Hermione admitted her feelings for him Severus had never planned to let Hermione know of his. He was just hopeful for a friendship with her. He was scared at the real chance of a relationship with her.   
  
His regret exploded the next morning when Albus came to him again but for different reasons this time.   
  
"Severus," Albus started and paused.   
  
Severus knew something was wrong. His worst fear was about to come true.   
  
"Severus I'm saddened to say that Hermione was attacked last night by Death Eaters and killed," Albus intoned softly.   
  
For the first time Severus shed tears. He was not seen for several days, only at the funeral dressed in his usual black did he appear. But he stood apart from the crowd of friends and family.   
  
He stood alone in his pain.   
  
_I can't show you any more  
The things I've learned from you  
Cause life just took you away_   
  
Severus never did understand how life could take her away. Hadn't he paid enough in his life time? Didn't he get a chance to at least tell the woman he loved how he felt?   
  
No.   
  
Life had taken that decision away from him.   
  
He continually asked why.   
  
_I'm asking why  
I'm asking why  
Nobody gives an answer  
I'm just asking why_   
  
He asked why to Albus that day. But he received no answer.   
  
He had asked why silently at her funeral but nobody gave an answer.   
  
_But someday we'll meet again  
And I'll ask you_   
  
Severus had fought the final battle along side Albus, Potter and Weasley. Hermione should have been there too, but she was not.   
  
He had achieved the goal they had set out together - protect the members of Order of the Phoenix and kill Voldemort.   
  
With Voldemort now gone he could get on with his life...   
  
His death.   
  
To meet Hermione.   
  
To tell her how he truly felt for her.   
  
The permanent sleeping potion was complete.   
  
_I'll ask you why  
Why it has to be like this  
I'm asking you why  
Please give me an answer_   
  
When he was to see her again he would ask her why life had done such a thing.   
  
_Many years and stupid fights  
Till we accept to see  
How it was and it'll always be_   
  
He remembered her years at Hogwarts. Years as a fellow member of the Order. The arguments over the years. Before they were finally partnered to create the potion. They had fought then, but he had learned to appreciate her. Love her.   
  
Severus continued to ask why.   
  
_Why it has to be like this  
Why we don't realize  
Why we're too blind to see the one  
Who's always on our side_   
  
Why did it have to be like this? Why didn't they realize sooner? Or tell her the night she told him? Why was he a fool that night?   
  
Severus knew he was too blind to see. He remembered the times Potter and Weasley were against him, though Hermione stood by his side. Often most times it was she alone who stood by his side.   
  
But he still fought with her in private.   
  
_I'm asking why  
I'm asking why  
Nobody gives an answer  
I'm just asking why_   
  
He asked why often.   
  
"Why did Hermione have to die?" Severus whispered into the dark, cold room.   
  
_Just tell me why  
Why it has to be like this  
That the good ones disappear  
I'm asking you why_   
  
"Why did they attack her? Why did she have to be the one to die? The good one. The innocent one."   
  
_I'm asking why  
I'm asking why  
Nobody gives an answer  
I'm just asking why_   
  
"I'm just asking why..." Severus whispered into the shadows.   
  
_I'm asking why_   
  
"Because we had to make Voldemort believe we failed at the potion," Hermione stood behind his chair and whispered the answer he finally needed.   
  
Severus jumped from his chair, his drink falling to the floor, but he gave no concern to it. His focus was on the woman that stood before him. He shook his head trying to clear his head. He had to be dreaming. He shut his eyes tight and reopened them still to see Hermione.   
  
Hermione watched Severus closely. Watched his reactions.   
  
"Hermione?" Severus croaked out.   
  
"It's me Severus," Hermione answered in a soft tone, unsure of her welcome. She loved him but did not know if he would admit the same of her. She knew deep down he did, but his past and life's choices made him hesitant to trust or give love freely even if he did feel it.   
  
Severus stared for a moment longer before he stepped forward to her. He was cautious, never blinking making sure she didn't disappear from his sight. When he was an inch away from her, he breathed in deeply and took her scent in. He instantly took her into his arms, tightly. He closed his eyes, letting tears fall down his cheeks.   
  
Hermione returned his hug; though she could barely breathe from his embrace she wouldn't prefer it any other way. She buried her head into his chest.   
  
For a long time they just stood there, wrapped in each others embrace.   
  
"I love you, Hermione," Severus whispered into her ear.   
  
"And I love you Severus," Hermione whispered back fiercely.   
  
The two pulled apart, looking into each other's eyes before letting their eyelids fall and their lips meet in their first kiss.   
  
----------   
  
"Why did you fake your death?" Severus asked later that night when he and Hermione were curled up on the couch.   
  
"Albus had learned the Death Eaters planned to attack my house. They knew I was instrumental in making the potion, they believed if I was killed we would fail. I knew we were close to finishing it. I told Albus to let everyone believe I had died. Voldemort was made to believe we had failed and was impulsive in his attack."   
  
Severus just stared at Hermione in amazement. He didn't care about the past now, he was just grateful to have Hermione in his arms now. And planned to never let her go.   
  
He also planned to make sure he never had to 'Why?' again.   
  
----------   
  
Expletio   
  



End file.
